kalakirya

Title: THE LOCKPICK IS HIS PENIS
Companions in oral not!fic:

analise010
Fandom: the Hobbit
Pairings: Bilbo/Thorin
Rating: PG-13
Summary: This story contains such diverse and wonderful topics as iron underpants, Ereborean haute cuisine, Gandalf Being A Dick, Thorin's majestic hair, the cultural importance of fans, and far too much laughter to be coherent. This story is rated PG-13, contains the pairing Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, with significant spoilers for The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, and The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug. Also fuck you, and your mother, and your mother's goats.
Warnings: GIGGLES. Also goats and potatoes.
Length: 19 minutes 46 seconds

download as an mp3 (18MB)

cover by reenajenkins!

Title: Loki Laufeyson: The Happy Hooker
Companions in oral not!fic:

reena_jenkins and

kalakirya, with commentary by the long-suffering

analise010
Fandom: Thor, Avengers (it's distinctly in both! honest!)
Pairings: Thor/Jane
Rating: PG-13
Summary:
This story takes place in the Avengers movie'verse, and contains significant spoilers for the events of Thor, Thor 2: The Dark World, and The Avengers. In addition, it also contains such wonderful topics as fiberarts, family history, zombie goats, Etsy, yarn, did I mention the knitting and crocheting and fiber arts?, family feelings, big brothers, little brothers, socks, and hipster moms. Also, a lot of laughter, A LOT A LOT of laughter. And also terrible puns. This story is rated PG-13, contains the pairing Thor/Jane, and also a couple moments of spoilers for X-Men: First Class. (The collective Yarn Feelings of this story are intense. Brace yourself appropriately, before listening.)
Warnings: FEELS. also giggles.
Length: 27 minutes 42 seconds

download as an mp3 (24MB)

cover by reenajenkins!

Title: THOSE TIGHTS
Companions in oral not!fic:

reena_jenkins,

kalakirya, with commentary by the ever-lovely

analise010
Fandom: the Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings
Pairings: Bilbo/Thorin (also background arwen/aragorn)
Rating: PG
Summary:
This story is rated PG, and contains additional tags for Alternate Universe - Ballet, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Plies, Pirouettes, The Nutcracker, Professional Ballet Company, Overbearing Fathers, Under-achieving Sons, Daddy Please Love Me, Thranduil's A+ Parenting, Gandalf Is A Dick, Ambient Train Noises. This story includes the pairing Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, and was recorded while on public transportation. It was a very spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment, beautiful moment of fangirl friendship... and hopefully, the background noise adds to that feeling of spontaneity, and enhances your listening experience. And hey - now you know the order of train stops for the train into New York City!
Warnings: ALL THE TRAIN NOISES. Also surprise tour-guiding.
Length: 28 minutes 47 seconds

download as an mp3 (25MB)

cover by reena-jenkins!

STREAMING HERE

points: LOCKPICK = ( 5(hobbit)+5(thorin/bilbo) )x2(time) = 10

THE HAPPY HOOKER = ( 5(thor)+1(avengers) + 5(thor/jane) )x3 = 33

THOSE TIGHTS = ( 5(hobbit)+5(thorin/bilbo) )x3(time) = 30

THEREFORE kalakirya, reenajenkins and analise010 each get 73 points