kalakirya

Title: An Eye for Quality
Author: linelenagain
Reader: kalakirya
Fandom: the Hobbit
Pairings: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield
Rating: Teen and Up
Summary: Fíli lived his life by an old dwarven proverb: when a fool drops a treasure, a wise man picks it up (it sounded better in the original khuzdul).

Bella Baggins never quite fit in the Shire. Perhaps she was made for the mountains, instead.
content notes:
Length: 9:03:51
text at AO3



download as a zipped folder of mp3 | download as a podbook (many thanks to paraka <3)



( Streaming links to individual chapters below the cut )

some navel-gazing about the cover and why I've been trying to podfic this story for 7+ years

Title: Children of the Lonely Mountain
Author: Kivrinengle
Reader: kalakirya
Fandom: the Hobbit
Pairings: technically Bilbo/Thorin, but basically gen
Rating: general audiences
Summary: A series of small stories set in and around "The Sons of Durin." Really probably best to listen to that first!
Warnings: no archive warnings apply
Length: 8:22:22 (with music) 7:49:02 (without music)
text at AO3

okay, here's where it gets REALLY complicated, because I have a music version and a non-music version (music notes are in the streaming section), and zipped mp3s and podbooks. and streaming. and also have been uploading previous sections as they're done. SO if you want the whole shebang in one go:

download zipped mp3s with music here (463MB)

download zipped mp3s without music here (433MB)

download podbook with music here (283MB)

download podbook without music here (264MB)

if you want just chapters 1-10, chapters 11-20, chapters 21-27


and there's streaming, covers and music for all the chapters here:

chapter one: in which frodo meets the sons of durin
music: My Dear Frodo, Unexpected Journey soundtrack


chapter two: in which bombur waits
(contains instances of disordered eating)
music: There's Always Sunday, Karen Matheson


chapter three: in which kili shoots
music: We Will Rock You, Red Hot Chili Pipers


chapter four: in which fili and kili are lost
music: Protect and Survive by Runrig


chapter five: in which minty is part of the family
music: Fisherman's Dream, Runrig


chapter six: in which in which fili opens a door
music: Song of the Lonely Mountain, Peter Hollens cover


chapter seven: in which frodo is not alone
music: Concerning Hobbits, Fellowship of the Ring soundtrack


chapter eight: in which gloin has two families
music: Living in Colour, Frightened Rabbit


chapter nine: in which thorin has a lovely daughter
(thorin gets upset/confused when Kili wears clothing marketed towards girls)
music: The Bath Song, The Tolkien Ensemble (poem by JRR Tolkien)


chapter ten: in which dori goes home
music: Caledonia by Dougie Maclean


chapter eleven: in which dis is free
music: Into the West - Annie Lennox, Return of the King soundtrack


chapter twelve: in which fili and kili are good at running
music: This is the Life - Amy MacDonald


chapter thirteen: in which thorin is possessive
music: Here is Where the Heart is - Wolfstone


chapter fourteen: in which this sons of durin are celebrities
music: Waiting for the Wheel to Turn - Karen Matheson


chapter fiveteen: in which kili needs his family
music: I See Fire - Peter Hollens (cover of Ed Sheeran)


chapter sixteen: in which bofur writes
music: This Strange Place - Wolfstone


chapter seventeen: in which the sons of durin are cowards
music: Walking Song (I) - The Tolkien Ensemble (words by J.R.R. Tolkien)


chapter eighteen: in which dwalin is a brother
music: Till I Sleep - Wolfstone


chapter nineteen: in which ori does not see the queen
music: This Season - Seven Nations


chapter twenty: in which bofur builds sandcastles
music: Feel so Near by Dougie Maclean


chapter twenty-one: in which kili is alone
music: An Eala Bhàn ("the white swan", Julie Fowlis


chapter twenty-two: in which kili is a picky eater
music: Cregg's Pipe Set, Tabache


chapter twenty-three: in which fili are kili are not orphans
music: òran na cloiche by mànran


chapter twenty-four: in which nori is a thief
music: jug of brown ale by tabache


chapter twenty-five: in which thorin is outmatched
music: it's thunder and it's lightning by we were promised jetpacks


chapter twenty-six: in which bilbo has unmemorable encounters
music: forfar sodger, old blind dogs


chapter twenty-seven: in which fili and kili are good at parties
music: the hobbit/lord of the rings by thepianoguys


podficcer's endnotes
music: don't stop believing, red hot chili pipers

Title: Children of the Lonely Mountain, chapters 1-10
Author: Kivrinengle
Reader: kalakirya
Fandom: the Hobbit
Pairings: technically Bilbo/Thorin, but basically gen
Rating: general audiences
Summary: A series of small stories set in and around "The Sons of Durin." Really probably best to listen to that first!
Warnings: no archive ma
Length: ~2 hours 20 minutes 45 seconds
text at AO3



okay, here's where it gets complicated, because I have a music version and a non-music version (music notes are in the streaming section), and zipped mp3s and podbooks. and streaming. SO:

download zipped mp3s with music here (129MB)

download zipped mp3s without music here (125MB)

download podbook with music here (100MB)

download podbook without music here (97.5MB)

streaming for all chapters is here
chapters 11-20 are here
chapters 21-27
the whole shebang is here

Title: THE LOCKPICK IS HIS PENIS
Companions in oral not!fic: reena_jenkins, kalakirya, analise010
Fandom: the Hobbit
Pairings: Bilbo/Thorin
Rating: PG-13
Summary: This story contains such diverse and wonderful topics as iron underpants, Ereborean haute cuisine, Gandalf Being A Dick, Thorin's majestic hair, the cultural importance of fans, and far too much laughter to be coherent. This story is rated PG-13, contains the pairing Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, with significant spoilers for The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, and The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug. Also fuck you, and your mother, and your mother's goats.
Warnings: GIGGLES. Also goats and potatoes.
Length: 19 minutes 46 seconds


download as an mp3 (18MB)

cover by reenajenkins!



Title: Loki Laufeyson: The Happy Hooker
Companions in oral not!fic: reena_jenkins and kalakirya, with commentary by the long-suffering analise010
Fandom: Thor, Avengers (it's distinctly in both! honest!)
Pairings: Thor/Jane
Rating: PG-13
Summary:
This story takes place in the Avengers movie'verse, and contains significant spoilers for the events of Thor, Thor 2: The Dark World, and The Avengers. In addition, it also contains such wonderful topics as fiberarts, family history, zombie goats, Etsy, yarn, did I mention the knitting and crocheting and fiber arts?, family feelings, big brothers, little brothers, socks, and hipster moms. Also, a lot of laughter, A LOT A LOT of laughter. And also terrible puns. This story is rated PG-13, contains the pairing Thor/Jane, and also a couple moments of spoilers for X-Men: First Class. (The collective Yarn Feelings of this story are intense. Brace yourself appropriately, before listening.)
Warnings: FEELS. also giggles.
Length: 27 minutes 42 seconds


download as an mp3 (24MB)

cover by reenajenkins!



Title: THOSE TIGHTS
Companions in oral not!fic: reena_jenkins, kalakirya, with commentary by the ever-lovely analise010
Fandom: the Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings
Pairings: Bilbo/Thorin (also background arwen/aragorn)
Rating: PG
Summary:
This story is rated PG, and contains additional tags for Alternate Universe - Ballet, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Plies, Pirouettes, The Nutcracker, Professional Ballet Company, Overbearing Fathers, Under-achieving Sons, Daddy Please Love Me, Thranduil's A+ Parenting, Gandalf Is A Dick, Ambient Train Noises. This story includes the pairing Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, and was recorded while on public transportation. It was a very spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment, beautiful moment of fangirl friendship... and hopefully, the background noise adds to that feeling of spontaneity, and enhances your listening experience. And hey - now you know the order of train stops for the train into New York City!
Warnings: ALL THE TRAIN NOISES. Also surprise tour-guiding.
Length: 28 minutes 47 seconds


download as an mp3 (25MB)

cover by reena-jenkins!



STREAMING HERE



points: LOCKPICK = ( 5(hobbit)+5(thorin/bilbo) )x2(time) = 10


THE   HAPPY   HOOKER = ( 5(thor)+1(avengers) + 5(thor/jane) )x3 = 33


THOSE   TIGHTS = ( 5(hobbit)+5(thorin/bilbo) )x3(time) = 30



THEREFORE kalakirya, reenajenkins and analise010 each get 73 points

Five Vikings tumblr podfics by waldorph

Title: Nothing Will Keep Me
Reader: kalakirya
Pairings: Lagertha/Ragnar
Rating: PG
Summary: Lagertha has to go off and be a badass solo for some reason, and all she wants to do is come home to her children and her boys. - anon
Length: 5 minutes 1 second
text at AO3 on tumblr
download as an mp3 (5MB) (from the audioarchive)

points: (10(newfandom)+10(new pairing - Lagertha/Ragnar))x1 = 20

Title: No Plan
Pairings: Ragnar/Lagertha, Ragnar/Lagertha/Athelstan
Summary: Ragnar and Lagertha are models, and Athelstan is the lowly photographer's assistant who is in way over his head. - anon
Length: 9 minutes 11 seconds
text at AO3 on tumblr
download as an mp3 (9MB) (from the audioarchive)


points: (10(newfandom)+10(new pairing - Lagertha/Ragnar)+10(new pairing - Lagertha/Ragnar/Athelstan))x1 = 30

Title: the edge of a knife
Pairings: Lagertha/Ragnar, (Lagertha/Ragnar/Athelstan (pre-OT3))
Summary: Athelstan gets injured and Ragnar and/or Lagertha patches him back up? - anon
Length: 6 minutes 36 seconds
text at AO3 on tumblr
download as an mp3 (6MB) (from the audioarchive)

points: (10(newfandom)+10(new pairing - Lagertha/Ragnar))x1 = 20

Title: The Going Rate
Pairings: Lagertha/Ragnar, Lagertha/Ragnar/Athelstan soon-to-be-OT3
Summary: Bachelor auction AU, someone wins someone - anon
Length: 7 minutes 3 seconds
text at AO3 on tumblr
download as an mp3 (7MB) (from the audioarchive)

points: (10(newfandom)+10(new pairing - Lagertha/Ragnar)+10(new pairing - Lagertha/Ragnar/Athelstan))x1 = 30

Title: Touched
Pairings: none
Summary: Athelstan is an emp/telepath/pmetry/clairvoyent/whatever, sent to be a monk because that's what people do w/'touched' children (structured environment, fewer different thoughts, prayer works as meditation, easier to keep a handle on your mind so it doens't overload/go-crazy), + religious touched-by-god-cultural-stuff. Vikings don't recognise that he's like this 'coz their pyschs present v. differently (eg. Floki, diff. kind of 'touched by gods'). -anon
Length: 4 minutes 51 seconds
text at AO3 on tumblr
download as an mp3 (5MB) (from the audioarchive)

points: (10(newfandom)+10(new pairing - Vikings-gen))x1 = 20

Three Person of Interest tumblr podfics written by waldorph

Title: Bad Idea
Pairings: Joss Carter/John Reese
Summary: Carter/Reese, This is a spectacularly bad idea. -- bitchwhoyoukiddin
Length: 1 minute 7 seconds
text at AO3
download as an mp3 (1MB) (from the audioarchive)

points: 5(fandom)+10(new pairing - Joss Carter/John Reese) = 15

Title: languages
Pairings: Reese/OC, Reese/Jessica, Reese/Kara, Finch/Reese
Summary: Finch/Reese, languages? --mienai
Length: 1 minutes 36 seconds
text at AO3
download as an mp3 (2MB) (from the audioarchive)

points: 5(fandom)+10(new pairing - John Reese/OC)+10(new pairing - John Reese/Kara Stanton)+5(pairing-finch/reese) = 30

Title: shaw &or/ Carter - an epic bromance
Pairings: none
Summary: Carter (/ or &?) Shaw: The epic bromance. --bitchwhoyoukiddin
Length: 2 minutes 29 seconds
text at AO3
download as an mp3 (2MB) (from the audioarchive)

points: 5(fandom)+10(new pairing - Person of Interest:gen) = 15

And two more tumblr podfics, also written by leupagus

Title: The Proposal
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairings: Spock/Uhura
Summary: Star Trek. Proposals. - rivki
Length: 1 minutes 55 seconds
text at AO3
download as an mp3 (2MB) (from the audioarchive)

points: 5(fandom)+5(spock/uhura) = 15

Title: tiny bagginshield bakery au
Fandom: The Hobbit
Pairings: Thorin/Bilbo
Summary: Thorin/Bilbo: Bakery AU --theodinspire
Length: 1 minutes 17 seconds
text at AO3
download as an mp3 (1MB) (from the audioarchive)

points: 5(fandom)+5(thorin/bilbo) = 10

ALL FIVE VIKINGS PODFICS

ALL THREE PERSON OF INTEREST PODFICS

total points for this pot: 205 (I think? I double-checked, but it's a lot of podfics)

crossposted to amplifcathon on LJ, amplificathon on DW, AO3

Title: An(other) Unexpected Journey
authors: leupagus and gyzym
Reader: kalakirya and analise010
Fandom: Lord of the Rings/the Hobbit
Pairing: crack/insanity/crack
Rating: general audiences
Summary: a two-voiced chat fic in which kalakirya and analise010 mull over the possibility of Bilbo and Thorin and Co. getting the Ring to Mount Doom a few decades earlier.
Length: analise010 as leupagus (4:22) kalakirya as leupagus (5:08)
text on gyzym's tumblr
download analise010 as leupagus (4KB) kalakirya as leupagus (5KB)

or stream:

analise010 as leupagus



kalakirya as leupagus



Title: Will the Real King of Gondor Please Stand Up
authors: nat and gyzym
Reader: kalakirya and analise010
Fandom: Lord of the Rings chatfics
Pairing: minor Aragorn/Arwen, Legolas/Gimli but mostly crack/insanity/crack
Rating: general audiences
Summary: a two-voiced chat fic in which kalakirya and analise010 fall over themselves laughing at the size of Aragorn's failboat.
Length: analise010 as gyzym (7:41) kalakirya as gyzym (7:27)
text on gyzym's tumblr
download analise010 as gyzym (7KB)  kalakirya as gyzym (7KB)

or stream:

analise010 as gyzym



kalakirya as gyzym



they all do have individual covers! this is just an example :D